nablahblahblah eve. and all hallows eve. it’s a very eve-y evening.

so who’s doing NaBloPoMo? aka (at least around here) nablahblahblah?

i did it last year, created my page here and blogged every day.

this year….

i’m not going to. at least not officially.

i have been really good about blogging because i want to, so i’m thinking not putting any “MUST BLOG NOW ZOMG WORLD WILL IMPLODE” sort of pressure on myself is good? i dunno. i have a few worked out already, so we’ll see.

my goal instead is this:

journaling.

i don’t know why “journaling” makes me feel like more of a dork than “blogging.” what the hell.

there are sometimes things that i want to ramble endlessly about, and i can’t think of a way to make it funny or relevant (to anyone but me) so i just bottle it up. and any time i get to feeling strongly about something, i can hear in my head “no one can MAKE you feel anything.” which makes me feel (or… i? make me feel?) like any time i feel any “negative” emotion, it’s my fault. sad, mad, whatever.  and then my feelings get all explody-from-my-eyes for no apparent reason and my dad wonders why i’m screaming at him on the phone over something he certainly cannot control and i’m just so. damn. mad. that i cry. a lot.

i tweeted the other day that i’ve cried more in the last month than i have in the last year.

easily.

so just to get the feelings out (out! out damn feelings!)  i’m going to try journaling, either here or in a paper journal, or in Word and just save them in a file called “explosion of teh crazy.”

a file which has already been created.

ahem. but anyway.

courtney started a new listy productivity blog, and one of the first comments was from the lovely doni who said she has a journal called “today is the day i…”

and i just got a journal from ash for my birthday (by ‘just’ i mean like 2 months ago. i’m 26 and 1/6. yikes.) so i’m going to call it the “today is the day i…” journal.

doni, darling, please believe in the old adage that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” : )

so that’s me.

my last post before the craziness of nablahblahblah starts.

and the post scheduled for tomorrow certainly belongs in the “explosion of teh crazy” file. and i’m still not sure i’m going to hit publish on it.

so this is october-31-slash-november-1.

or something.